so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
