If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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