I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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