She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
