There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
