oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Panties = found
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
