Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
