She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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