I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
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Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize