I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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