he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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