she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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