If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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