anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
