Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
