That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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