At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
