You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.