I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.