I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
... don't judge me
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me