Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
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he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
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Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...