Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Holy sore nipples Batman
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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