drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
