Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
