I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
