Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
