I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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