he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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