I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
