i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
