I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
