Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Sorry my hands just texted you
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
