he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
