if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
