I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
