Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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