Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
