Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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