i just google imaged poop.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
