There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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