Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
