Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
