Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
