My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
