Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
