I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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