I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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