how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
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I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
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were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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