That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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