Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
