I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize