sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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