He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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