how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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