Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
