Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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