apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You are the jesus of drinking
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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