He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
