just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
